love
The silence underneath chaos
I could stand by and watch as the sun sets
As the water glistens, I was in awe
Psychedelic as it may seem
Everything is black and white
For a moment, all i could do is
Stare and let the fleeting moments pass by
I could stand and stare as the colors fade
The waters turn from navy to mystic blue
And all could think about was you
For a moment then I knew
That moments may pass us by
I know, I’d still come back
to black and white
And in all that chaos, our silence will always be remembered.
Like I can
Do you still remember the time you first fell in love? Do you remember when, where, and how it started? Do you still remember your first heartache? Do you still remember the reason why? These few questions’ what keeps me awake at night.
The first question asks if I still remember the first time I fell in love. Yes. I mean, how could you forget your firsts? We were high school classmates back then. He was smart, intelligent (top of the class), funny, cute, and mysteriously serious. I was the complete opposite of him. We were completely different, and yet he sees me.
It started when we became chat mates in yahoo messenger. I was completely unaware of what he would say, but we started our conversation just fine. After a few months of communicating through chat messages, he confessed in an unusual way. I was speechless until he said, “You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted you to know”, and after that, he didn’t spoke to me for weeks. He got scared of what I would think of him, and thought that I would completely ignore him after that. A few years later, we became close and ended up falling for him. I didn’t know when it all started. I tried to trace back when I did fell for him, but I’m still clueless. I guess it doesn’t really matter because for every second that we talked, every day that we see each other, the more I fell for him.
First heartache? That’s what the third question asks. Well talking about heartache, two things come in my mind. Whether you felt heartache because you’re really happy that you can’t contain that happiness, or you’re so hurt that happiness overflows and leaves your heart broken and empty. I’ve always been blessed to have been found by him when no one else saw me. He was everything I’ve ever wanted and at the same time needed, just like I felt heartache from happiness and at the same time pain.
Just like any love story, ours has come to an end. Eventually, he ended things in which I thought he wouldn’t. Maybe it was my fault that we didn’t last long. Maybe our love isn’t just enough to be an assurance that we would still be together. There are endless questions that i would like to ask him but he’s being bleak. I haven’t seen him for a year even though we are studying at the same school. I guess he’s been busy for his future, not to mention he’s a candidate for the next mathematician of the year. I really am happy of what he has achieved, but something within me just wants to be part of it. I still hope that someday, he will change his mind and come back to me. I know it’s a selfish thing to say, but i wish that he’d still love me like he used to.
Like the moon covers the sun to bring darkness once in every day, I’d like to think that he intended to be apart from me, for me to realize the opportunities of life without him and for him to discover the possibilities of him being alone. Though the thought of future without him is tormenting, nothing could stop me from loving him. I can imagine life without him but I can’t live life imagining that he doesn’t love me anymore.
I love the way he plays the electronic keyboard, how he doesn’t care about his hairstyle, how he steals my handkerchief, how he pretends to sleep snoring, his corny jokes, his serious look, his strengths, his weaknesses, and how he loved me.
PS: I still love you, love
It was right there
All these years, we’ve been looking for that
right
moment, right time, and person for us. What we don’t know is that it’s always been there, right in front of our eyes but we’re just to blind to see.
There’s no such thing as the right moment for every second of your life counts and the experiences it bring gives more meaning for you to give it your all.
No time is worth wasted when you already envision it to be the greatest time of your life, unless otherwise you’re too caught up with pessimistic outcomes.
People. We make mistakes and oftentimes we tend to make promises that couldn’t be kept, but each person is different in their own unique way… so don’t go on cursing everyone for your downfall. What you can do for yourself is to keep it together and learn to accept the fact that neither of you is at fault and embrace the time to think things through and be a better you. As you have recovered from a downfall, you will finally realize that there’s more to life than drowning youself from sobbing – that there’s still time to find the right person and to treasure moments you envision because God has it all planned out.
It’s your choices that puts a twist into God’s plan. All you have to do is to look closely and listen- to what your heart sees and to what your mind believes. You might end up looking back thinking… it was right there all along.
Picture Imperfect
Images – they take me back to the times wherein I wished things would happen the way I pictured it to be. Right now i‘m feeling miserable while listening to “arms of an angel”, this song always takes me back during my highscool days, the memory.
I remembered during prom night, I pictured the night to be perfect and so it is, for them. I mean sometimes when everyone seems to have a good time and you‘re there waiting but nothing happens, it feels like you‘ve been left out that I just wished for the night to end quickly. I may have watch too many movies to think of a romantic scene to happen where in a middle of a crowd, you were both looking for each other, asked anyone if they‘ve seen him/her, then passed by each other without noticing until both you stopped and the music changed, you both turned around to find that you‘ve already found each other…
Same old, same old.
‘Giggles’, I’ve been hearing it all all day, It‘s an act of excitement that highlights the occasion, Valentines Day.
At 8 this morning, I was rushing for school to make up for unfinished activities and as expected, I was late again. As I was about to enter the premises, a flower vendor tried to sell his flowers in thought that I would buy them, but I didnt. I swiftly passed throught the entrance like any other day, a normal day, a very hectic day as if nothing just happend. Like I normally do in every day, I had a quick glimps of my fellow students‘ expression just to lessen the anxiety if feel everytime I walk alone. Everyone seemed so happy and excited at the same time, like an employee receiving his first monthly pay. There was no doubt that love is in the air, or at least in their air. I could clearly hear the screems of high school students who were in awe of serenades from the hs building down to the parking area where I would usually go to avoid the crowd.
After that, I went home for lunch then went back again for my next class. 2pm — seeing almost every girl in the campus carrying different kinds; sizes; and quantity of flowers (not the way flower vendors do). There were boquet of roses; 3 individually wrapped roses; and etc. Most of those flowers were accompanied by gifts like stuffed animals, greeting cards, and more. Everyone looked so happy and alive that it makes me relieved as well, that at least they‘re happy on such a special day.
Suddenly, I felt my cheekbones rising – that‘s when I realized, I was smiling, for no reason at all. But as I go on through the day, I realized that not everyone received gifts, flowers, or even greeting cards. It made me think that of the many years I have witness these instances, I forgot I was/am part of that population that never got to experience how it feels like to be appreciated by someone who adores you. The more that I think of it, the more I feel upset for the people who go on with their lives as if everything‘s normally fine, that for how many years they‘ve waited, thinking when will that someone sweep them off their feet.
And so the sun starts to set and finally my favorite part of the day, I bravely recall the times where I feel a little bit envious but at the same time relaxed for the night was on my side and the sky just gives so much hope, that makes one dream that maybe someday, it could happen to anyone, it might happen to everyone, it will happen to me.
Love should not only be expressed and felt on special occasions, but for as long you know that you have love for that person.
VALENTINES DAY
Sweetangeltears 